I went for a long run this morning. As I was beginning I started to think about some of the running material I had recently finished. One of the points an author had made was running a negative split. For those who aren't familar with such a term it simply means taking a slow first half and increasing your pace for the second half of your race/run.
I thought to myself that I should start off slow. It's raining, I'm cold, there was a lot of K to cover. I had best take it slow. The second half I could bump it up a notch.
I soon realized that life is run many times at a slow shuffle. We conserve ourselves for later, when we might really need the energy. It seems though, we never really find the need to stop conserving and start pushing. Pushing is a lot of work, it is scary and definitely not comfortable.
So I did push it and I have decided it's time to do a few things that will cause me to grow. One is signing up for another half which will be taking place in a few weeks another is applying for a job. I don't really know what will come out of all of this but there is one thing I do know. I did my run today in record time!!
Stop saying you are going to increase the pace, let's see you pick it up.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Friday, January 29, 2010
I have to admit a mistake in the last post. There should have been written a "no" in terms of a set definition of perfection. I do not believe there is such a definition anywhere. We are not meant to be perfect.
In regards to harmony and death. Harmony will not save us from death (as opposed to the understanding of perfection and the fight to the enivitable). However should one find harmony, they will live a life of peace that gracefully brings the eventually, rather than a fight. The difference would be the struggle and anxiety that often surrounds those that hope to avoid death.
A quick rant. BC does not need the Olymipics and the tax payers will be paying this off for decades to come. This while VSB lays off 800 teachers! Forget about the cuts to healthcare. Now we find out that Vanoc is paying 23 million for the privellege to rent GM Place. I shake my head at those others elect to lead this provience!
Also please forgive the spelling mistakes. I know that they are there but for some reason I am not able to run a spell check!!
Enjoy your w/e
In regards to harmony and death. Harmony will not save us from death (as opposed to the understanding of perfection and the fight to the enivitable). However should one find harmony, they will live a life of peace that gracefully brings the eventually, rather than a fight. The difference would be the struggle and anxiety that often surrounds those that hope to avoid death.
A quick rant. BC does not need the Olymipics and the tax payers will be paying this off for decades to come. This while VSB lays off 800 teachers! Forget about the cuts to healthcare. Now we find out that Vanoc is paying 23 million for the privellege to rent GM Place. I shake my head at those others elect to lead this provience!
Also please forgive the spelling mistakes. I know that they are there but for some reason I am not able to run a spell check!!
Enjoy your w/e
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Standard
The idea of living up to a standard is inherently doomed. When one looks for an ideal they are forgeting about their self and looking towards another's with the aim at becoming them. Again my self loses in this comparison.
I would say there is no set standard. In this case what is good for the goose has nothing to do with the gander. One can argue moral law but this is not what self is really about. I know that I am not to steal or murder. In general terms this is not limiting my self's natural inclination. One may be using their giftings to break such a moral law, but by not doing so we are not limiting the self's expression.
I know we are flawed because there is set definition of perfection within humanity. Someone may look perfect but the next certainly does not live up to the presentation. When we go below the surface we find sickness, deformity and ultimately death. Death would not come so rapidly if our systems were in pefect harmony. Leave a human body and systmes begin to fail (even turning against itself). Further, our inclination is not driven to perfection, our diet is imperfect (too much, not enough, fast food, over dieting, vitamin/mineral deficent ect), little/too much excercise, want what we don't have, want what others do have. The list just continues. To be perfect, in my quick estimation, would look like harmony in the environment, the people, the Creator who is around.
We are flawed because we will never have complete harmony. This is okay though.
So live with no one else's standard in mind. Desire to know who you are,
I would say there is no set standard. In this case what is good for the goose has nothing to do with the gander. One can argue moral law but this is not what self is really about. I know that I am not to steal or murder. In general terms this is not limiting my self's natural inclination. One may be using their giftings to break such a moral law, but by not doing so we are not limiting the self's expression.
I know we are flawed because there is set definition of perfection within humanity. Someone may look perfect but the next certainly does not live up to the presentation. When we go below the surface we find sickness, deformity and ultimately death. Death would not come so rapidly if our systems were in pefect harmony. Leave a human body and systmes begin to fail (even turning against itself). Further, our inclination is not driven to perfection, our diet is imperfect (too much, not enough, fast food, over dieting, vitamin/mineral deficent ect), little/too much excercise, want what we don't have, want what others do have. The list just continues. To be perfect, in my quick estimation, would look like harmony in the environment, the people, the Creator who is around.
We are flawed because we will never have complete harmony. This is okay though.
So live with no one else's standard in mind. Desire to know who you are,
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Who am I
It has been a week of poor sleep, neck pain and headaches. I failed to find sleep again last night due to the splitting headache which continues to plague me, even now as I ramble. However, I was unable to rest with my mind swimming with the thoughts of "how do I identify myself".
As I have written, the present concept of self esteem is a misnomer. With window dressing hopes we garb ourselves in the image we hope others will find acceptable. However, it is forgotten that when one fails to address the needs within the house the "attractive" window hanging is simply done in vain.
The fundamental need is to identify that "I" am flawed. Simply put, we have never, will never and can ever become loved by all. The first step here is not about doing but about understanding.
When I understand that my abilities have limits, that I am not the most attractive person and I have needs; there is something to work with. Suddenly the pressure is off and the bar becomes realistic. It is a basic statement I realise, but we live in a culture that tells us the opposite. When I am no longer attempting to become the next supermodel or sports hero I can focus on whom I really am and the qualities that make me that person.
Once I discover who I am and what my natural abilities are, then the "doing" becomes necessary. We all have the ability to become better than our "at rest" being. It is here that our esteem begins to grow. As I hone my gifts, with the understanding that perfection or flawlessness is not in pursuit, my self is feed. The continued development of my gifts produces confidence and security. Again, this is anchored in the understanding of who I am without the need of comparison. Once we start comparing who I am to who you are, someone loses. What we lose is esteem.
The parallel concept is the need to be loved by all. Isn't that really what we are after? But we cannot be whole while seeking approval from those around us. Developing me despite the thoughts and opinions of society establishes this confidence and security.
The concept is simple, basic even. It has nothing to do with dress, money, position or hair style. Yet people do not allow themselves to be themselves! How can one become comfortable with their being if what they believe about their being is that it is inadequate.
Please, know yourself.
As I have written, the present concept of self esteem is a misnomer. With window dressing hopes we garb ourselves in the image we hope others will find acceptable. However, it is forgotten that when one fails to address the needs within the house the "attractive" window hanging is simply done in vain.
The fundamental need is to identify that "I" am flawed. Simply put, we have never, will never and can ever become loved by all. The first step here is not about doing but about understanding.
When I understand that my abilities have limits, that I am not the most attractive person and I have needs; there is something to work with. Suddenly the pressure is off and the bar becomes realistic. It is a basic statement I realise, but we live in a culture that tells us the opposite. When I am no longer attempting to become the next supermodel or sports hero I can focus on whom I really am and the qualities that make me that person.
Once I discover who I am and what my natural abilities are, then the "doing" becomes necessary. We all have the ability to become better than our "at rest" being. It is here that our esteem begins to grow. As I hone my gifts, with the understanding that perfection or flawlessness is not in pursuit, my self is feed. The continued development of my gifts produces confidence and security. Again, this is anchored in the understanding of who I am without the need of comparison. Once we start comparing who I am to who you are, someone loses. What we lose is esteem.
The parallel concept is the need to be loved by all. Isn't that really what we are after? But we cannot be whole while seeking approval from those around us. Developing me despite the thoughts and opinions of society establishes this confidence and security.
The concept is simple, basic even. It has nothing to do with dress, money, position or hair style. Yet people do not allow themselves to be themselves! How can one become comfortable with their being if what they believe about their being is that it is inadequate.
Please, know yourself.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Sunday afternoon
Nothing like a Sunday in which you can simply relax, go for a long hard run, do some baking and listen to a potato explode in the oven. It has been a good day although cleaning up the potato wasn't really in the master plan.
My daughter has now turned eight and again I feel like the old man in the pic.
Hope one and all had a fantastic weekend.
For anyone who is interested in an easy and great desert.
Pumpkin Pots de Creme
1.5 cups pumpkin (I add a bit more)
4 egg yolks
2/3 cup sugar
.5 tsp Cinnamon and nutmeg (I add more)
2 cups heavy cream (I use 1% milk and throw in an extra yolk)
Mix first two ingredients until creamed, add spices and sugar and blend, add cream.
Have the oven preheated to 325 degrees
pour custard into custard cups or ramkins. Place cups in a casserole dish and pour boiling water into pans until it comes half way up the cups. Bake for 25 minutes. Cool in fridge. Custard will thicken as it cools. Enjoy
My daughter has now turned eight and again I feel like the old man in the pic.
Hope one and all had a fantastic weekend.
For anyone who is interested in an easy and great desert.
Pumpkin Pots de Creme
1.5 cups pumpkin (I add a bit more)
4 egg yolks
2/3 cup sugar
.5 tsp Cinnamon and nutmeg (I add more)
2 cups heavy cream (I use 1% milk and throw in an extra yolk)
Mix first two ingredients until creamed, add spices and sugar and blend, add cream.
Have the oven preheated to 325 degrees
pour custard into custard cups or ramkins. Place cups in a casserole dish and pour boiling water into pans until it comes half way up the cups. Bake for 25 minutes. Cool in fridge. Custard will thicken as it cools. Enjoy
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Negotiable
It has been a busy few days but a sick child does slow down a person's agenda. Although I haven't opportunity to run lately the idea of relationships has come to mind.
At times when one enters a relationship and the idea of expectations may come up. Various thoughts might be "Friday nights are just for us", "we will have sex on the third date" or "the guy is going to pay for everything". Sometimes these are discussed early in a relationship, sometimes pre-marital counsellors will discuss "expectations of the marriage" like how is household chores going to be divided, who will look after the finances or how many children will be sought.
The one step that is missed is a layer deeper than expectations. These are the "negotiable" and non-negotiable" terms of the relationships. The quick difference between expectations and non/negotiable terms is expectations are most often conscious decisions and desires. The other is often a belief that the world and relationships operate in a predetermine, but not necessarily understood or thought out, ordinance.
The negotiable terms are those that have importance to the individual and they would like support with these beliefs but they are not set in stone. Discuss around these thoughts are possible and there is some flexibility. Some example could be to what degree both partners work, the discipline of children and how much time one partner engages in a particular hobby. The more negotiable terms within the relationship the more the relationship can withstand. As with life, the relationship will endure various stresses and having two people coming together in discussion regarding what is going on will allow the relationship to weather the storm with much more ease.
On the other hand there are "non-negotiable" terms. These are the deal breakers. Examples could also include remaining faithful or financial stability. The more non-negotiable terms to the relationship the more fragile that relationship is going to be as it is less flexible. As pressure mounts in the relationships these non-negotiable terms are more likely to break.
In both cases as people mature and progress through life terms may migrate between what is negotiable and non-negotiable.
The problem that both terms cause to relationships is they are rarely discussed. The negotiable terms may indirectly get discussed throughout the life of a relationship. The deal breakers on the other hand may come up without either person prepared. Should this occur and there is silent agreement between the couple, the relationship continues without issue. If it is a matter for one and viewed as a negotiable term for the other this may produce some stress on the relationship but generally the relationship is able to endure. However there are times when the couple is at polar opposites to what is considered non-negotiable. This spells the end, even if the couple does not formalize this.
At times when one enters a relationship and the idea of expectations may come up. Various thoughts might be "Friday nights are just for us", "we will have sex on the third date" or "the guy is going to pay for everything". Sometimes these are discussed early in a relationship, sometimes pre-marital counsellors will discuss "expectations of the marriage" like how is household chores going to be divided, who will look after the finances or how many children will be sought.
The one step that is missed is a layer deeper than expectations. These are the "negotiable" and non-negotiable" terms of the relationships. The quick difference between expectations and non/negotiable terms is expectations are most often conscious decisions and desires. The other is often a belief that the world and relationships operate in a predetermine, but not necessarily understood or thought out, ordinance.
The negotiable terms are those that have importance to the individual and they would like support with these beliefs but they are not set in stone. Discuss around these thoughts are possible and there is some flexibility. Some example could be to what degree both partners work, the discipline of children and how much time one partner engages in a particular hobby. The more negotiable terms within the relationship the more the relationship can withstand. As with life, the relationship will endure various stresses and having two people coming together in discussion regarding what is going on will allow the relationship to weather the storm with much more ease.
On the other hand there are "non-negotiable" terms. These are the deal breakers. Examples could also include remaining faithful or financial stability. The more non-negotiable terms to the relationship the more fragile that relationship is going to be as it is less flexible. As pressure mounts in the relationships these non-negotiable terms are more likely to break.
In both cases as people mature and progress through life terms may migrate between what is negotiable and non-negotiable.
The problem that both terms cause to relationships is they are rarely discussed. The negotiable terms may indirectly get discussed throughout the life of a relationship. The deal breakers on the other hand may come up without either person prepared. Should this occur and there is silent agreement between the couple, the relationship continues without issue. If it is a matter for one and viewed as a negotiable term for the other this may produce some stress on the relationship but generally the relationship is able to endure. However there are times when the couple is at polar opposites to what is considered non-negotiable. This spells the end, even if the couple does not formalize this.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Single dad
Well it has been a day to remember. Waking up after a good sleep and enjoying lieing in bed as the day began to infold. Painting, washing, gathering, directing, stretching, dressing and eating. Then it was time for errands.
Christmas is a great time for gift giving. However if a gift received is exactly what was hoped for the return is something else. No one will give you cash. It is all gift cards. I am not afraid to say "Ihave little desire, nor do I see myself shopping at Home Outfitter!" It is just not my store. Add to that that I misread the receipt and I went to Home Sense first thinking they were the same store. Whatever!!
Okay there was some time between the last sentence and this entry. Apparently a four year old and an eight year old struggle to put together a pizza together. I have never seen a pizza with three pieces of meat, a piece of pineapple and almost no cheese. Sure it looks like a face but you are only eating CRUST!!!!!
Okay I am tired, Barbie is to come on shortly and I will take a deep breath and relax.
I am okay now now and I have looked after the pizzas.
outie
Christmas is a great time for gift giving. However if a gift received is exactly what was hoped for the return is something else. No one will give you cash. It is all gift cards. I am not afraid to say "Ihave little desire, nor do I see myself shopping at Home Outfitter!" It is just not my store. Add to that that I misread the receipt and I went to Home Sense first thinking they were the same store. Whatever!!
Okay there was some time between the last sentence and this entry. Apparently a four year old and an eight year old struggle to put together a pizza together. I have never seen a pizza with three pieces of meat, a piece of pineapple and almost no cheese. Sure it looks like a face but you are only eating CRUST!!!!!
Okay I am tired, Barbie is to come on shortly and I will take a deep breath and relax.
I am okay now now and I have looked after the pizzas.
outie
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Just beat
Wow what a week and it is still only Thursday.There is little buzzing around between these two great ears tonight.
Oh and the picture posted was of me at the end of my last run. I wanted it in thumbnail size but I didn't know how to shrink it.
I will attempt some form of creativity this weekend should the weekend actually arrive.
Oh and the picture posted was of me at the end of my last run. I wanted it in thumbnail size but I didn't know how to shrink it.
I will attempt some form of creativity this weekend should the weekend actually arrive.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
FEAR
I went for a run tonight. Unfortunately I should have listen to my wife who warned me that I just finished having injections in my neck and perhaps running is not the best idea. Now I am suffering with both neck pain from the run and an upset tummy from the pain meds I took to ease my neck. Life is certanly bleak.
It is this experience that leads me to my next point, fear. As I ran I began to notice without mistake the growing tension along the side of my neck. It wasn't the pain that got my attention though, it was fear. Please understand that for the past four months I have come to understand the vast limits of my life. There are wrinkles forming around my eyes and on the back of my oh so soft hands. I have a hamstring injury that will not heal. My knee, neck and head often aches. I also have to get up in the middle of the night to pee, sometimes more than once! What does this translate too...fear. I am becoming an old man, now destined not to live but die.
Fear is a captivating phenomena. In my practice without question, fear is what limits life to the largest degree without fail. Fear is also the self resurrected boundary placed on self. Understand this? SELF resurrected. I, we do this to ourselves. When we create this fear we create the non-possibility to experience life. One can say that the opposite of life is not death but fear.
With this understood, then can I also see that the fear I have inhibits me from knowing me fully. Fear becomes the focal point of my existence and everything I do is in essence to avoid that which I fear. Life, love, and peace are crowded out and I become more about what I do not want than what I want. I can no longer express self in this manner.
It must also be said though that there is a healthy fear. This fear does not dictate our life but how we manage our life. I know that should I choose to run out on the road a car may in fact hit me. Should this occur I will lose the fight and I, not the car, who will suffer. This knowledge limits me from where I choose to walk but does not limit how I choose to live. Fear that takes over limits our choice to the point that I no longer am living but surviving.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Unique?
I begin with a note of caution. The following is drafted under the influence of pain killers. Early this afternoon I had a painful procedure where I was injected repeatedly down back of my neck with a mixture of cortisol and xylocane. This time the physician gave me a prescription to ease the discomfort I will be feeling for the next fort-eight hours.
To follow the idea presented yesterday on esteem is the idea of individuality. Therapist and the like shout from the mountain about ones' uniqueness and we praise the individual. Then we say "don't stick out in a crowd" or " Don't speak your mind especially if it challenges the social norm". "Wear the same clothes and for all that is good and just make sure your lawn is cut promptly".
Yesterday it was discussed how esteem based on "doing right" is doomed for failure. Today I shall briefly discuss how attempting to be a sheep is degrading to ones' sense of self.
I am unable to differentiate myself from those around me when I simply tote the current ideas and beliefs of the crowd. When I cease to have a voice, that is exercised in what I do, say, think or believe something dies. Sounds overly dramatic no? It's true though. Self dies in the presence of conformity. As all living things, the self needs the opportunity to test its self. Attempting to understand why it believes as it does,= and why its adopting a style of life the way it is. When we are forced to ponder all that is life and step into that mode of living we come to know ourself. It is then that we become an individual and I know where I begin and end and where you begin (the act of self differentiation).
I believe that it is through this process of knowing self where our esteem is feed.
I also realize that many times one may have an idea that is shared by the broad whole. This does not necessarily mean that one should doubt the idea of being an individual. Yet the person needs to understand why it is that they are so ready to adopt this way of being. I think religion is a great example here. It would seem that many people subscribe to a religious ideology. Yet when they are asked or when their behaviour is observed there is an incongruity. Some Muslims say that Islam is a faith of peace, why is it then that there is a group within who seeks violence and destruction? Christianity is no different. Many people subscribe to believing that God exists yet they hold to ideas that are inconsistent with scripture. Anyway I digress.
The beginnings of esteem is knowing ones' self.
To follow the idea presented yesterday on esteem is the idea of individuality. Therapist and the like shout from the mountain about ones' uniqueness and we praise the individual. Then we say "don't stick out in a crowd" or " Don't speak your mind especially if it challenges the social norm". "Wear the same clothes and for all that is good and just make sure your lawn is cut promptly".
Yesterday it was discussed how esteem based on "doing right" is doomed for failure. Today I shall briefly discuss how attempting to be a sheep is degrading to ones' sense of self.
I am unable to differentiate myself from those around me when I simply tote the current ideas and beliefs of the crowd. When I cease to have a voice, that is exercised in what I do, say, think or believe something dies. Sounds overly dramatic no? It's true though. Self dies in the presence of conformity. As all living things, the self needs the opportunity to test its self. Attempting to understand why it believes as it does,= and why its adopting a style of life the way it is. When we are forced to ponder all that is life and step into that mode of living we come to know ourself. It is then that we become an individual and I know where I begin and end and where you begin (the act of self differentiation).
I believe that it is through this process of knowing self where our esteem is feed.
I also realize that many times one may have an idea that is shared by the broad whole. This does not necessarily mean that one should doubt the idea of being an individual. Yet the person needs to understand why it is that they are so ready to adopt this way of being. I think religion is a great example here. It would seem that many people subscribe to a religious ideology. Yet when they are asked or when their behaviour is observed there is an incongruity. Some Muslims say that Islam is a faith of peace, why is it then that there is a group within who seeks violence and destruction? Christianity is no different. Many people subscribe to believing that God exists yet they hold to ideas that are inconsistent with scripture. Anyway I digress.
The beginnings of esteem is knowing ones' self.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Esteem
The manner in which we see ourselves is driven into pop psychology, entertainment and fashion to list a quick few. We live in a culture that tells us if we "do right" then we are okay, perhaps even good. If we dress right, have the right job, earn the right income, live in the right house and drive the right car then we should feel good about our self. Sounds good and easy doesn't it. Unfortunately fads continue to evolve and the Jones' are most difficult to keep up to. This ever chasing ideal is cause for much anxiety. Even if we put anxiety aside, the focus of "doing right" makes the individual an imitator of culture. Identity based on an imitation is limited to the facade and the best one can hope for is a good presentation. We all know that there is little value to imitations. They tend to be fragile, cheap and quickly lose the luster. How different is the individual who's esteem is based on "doing right". Egos are easily damaged, feelings are quickly hurt and most motivation is anxiety based. The very idea of self is in question here because self is not recognized but rather presentation of the person.
The drive to preserve this presentation keeps pop culture alive. For it this desire to shine that continually promotes the need to change and to feel better about one's self. It is my opinion that this is the fundamental error. Our focus is missed place and the result is the crazy making pursuit to find out if we are okay.
There is much more still to say, but I will leave it to another day. Today I shall enjoy the sun and go for a run.
The drive to preserve this presentation keeps pop culture alive. For it this desire to shine that continually promotes the need to change and to feel better about one's self. It is my opinion that this is the fundamental error. Our focus is missed place and the result is the crazy making pursuit to find out if we are okay.
There is much more still to say, but I will leave it to another day. Today I shall enjoy the sun and go for a run.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
In the Beginning
I am new at this, this being my first blog. I am also sick. Is it a coincident that I happen to create a blog at the same time I am sick? Curious.
I have never really wanted a place on the Internet to divulge the ongoings of my thoughts and desires, so one can wonder why now. The quick answer is I run. When I run I think, which means there are times when I process much. Sometimes I think the thoughts I have are worth the attention of others, other times it would be best if no one knew them :o).
I don't know if this blog will ever get read by someone out there. Perhaps it will and something written here may be thought provoking, startling or simply just interesting. I don't know if thoughts or questions can be posed to me, but if it can be done I would be happy to return the gesture.
Just a final note, my spelling and grammar are inadequate to say the least. I realize this and those reading should too.
I have never really wanted a place on the Internet to divulge the ongoings of my thoughts and desires, so one can wonder why now. The quick answer is I run. When I run I think, which means there are times when I process much. Sometimes I think the thoughts I have are worth the attention of others, other times it would be best if no one knew them :o).
I don't know if this blog will ever get read by someone out there. Perhaps it will and something written here may be thought provoking, startling or simply just interesting. I don't know if thoughts or questions can be posed to me, but if it can be done I would be happy to return the gesture.
Just a final note, my spelling and grammar are inadequate to say the least. I realize this and those reading should too.
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