It has been a week of poor sleep, neck pain and headaches. I failed to find sleep again last night due to the splitting headache which continues to plague me, even now as I ramble. However, I was unable to rest with my mind swimming with the thoughts of "how do I identify myself".
As I have written, the present concept of self esteem is a misnomer. With window dressing hopes we garb ourselves in the image we hope others will find acceptable. However, it is forgotten that when one fails to address the needs within the house the "attractive" window hanging is simply done in vain.
The fundamental need is to identify that "I" am flawed. Simply put, we have never, will never and can ever become loved by all. The first step here is not about doing but about understanding.
When I understand that my abilities have limits, that I am not the most attractive person and I have needs; there is something to work with. Suddenly the pressure is off and the bar becomes realistic. It is a basic statement I realise, but we live in a culture that tells us the opposite. When I am no longer attempting to become the next supermodel or sports hero I can focus on whom I really am and the qualities that make me that person.
Once I discover who I am and what my natural abilities are, then the "doing" becomes necessary. We all have the ability to become better than our "at rest" being. It is here that our esteem begins to grow. As I hone my gifts, with the understanding that perfection or flawlessness is not in pursuit, my self is feed. The continued development of my gifts produces confidence and security. Again, this is anchored in the understanding of who I am without the need of comparison. Once we start comparing who I am to who you are, someone loses. What we lose is esteem.
The parallel concept is the need to be loved by all. Isn't that really what we are after? But we cannot be whole while seeking approval from those around us. Developing me despite the thoughts and opinions of society establishes this confidence and security.
The concept is simple, basic even. It has nothing to do with dress, money, position or hair style. Yet people do not allow themselves to be themselves! How can one become comfortable with their being if what they believe about their being is that it is inadequate.
Please, know yourself.
Love this post . . . developing who we are in Christ also plays an integral role. I agree that we need to develop despite the thoughts and opinions of society and of others and that confidence and security you mentioned will follow. You've inspired me love . . . xo
ReplyDeleteI like this: "Once we start comparing who I am to who you are, someone loses." I fully agree because we are all different and to try to be like someone else is to deny who you are. The biggest question for me, is who am I? Where do I get a sense of who I am?
ReplyDeleteOne thing you mentioned is that "The fundamental need is to identify that 'I' am flawed." The question I have is, according to who? What makes me flawed? What standard am I being compared to that makes me not perfect? If God is my standard than it seems hopeless? If there is no standard then why try and improve?